Questions For Meles Zenawi
From A Group of Ethiopian Students
Recently, a group of Ethiopian students from the US, Canada, Europe and Ethiopia presented a list of questions to PM Meles Zenawi for his ‘consideration’ and also invited Ethiopian civil society groups as well as discussion forums to study questions.
Well, not only did we study the questions, we were very eager about the answers. Therefore, our crack Lela Tensae reporters managed to obtain an advanced copy of the replies to these questions which was ‘inadvertently’ released by the Meles Public Relations office. Frankly, we didn’t even know there was such office in the administration, with all the smooth and flawless relationship the Meles government has with the Ethiopian public. But what do we know? We were just as surprised as you are.
In any case, here is the reply to the questions.
Enjoy!
Are you a man with a clean conscience?
Well, it all depends what you mean by clean and what you mean with conscience. As for the clean, I certainly consider myself one. I take a shower everyday, I use mefakya for my teeth, I comb my hair, or at least whatever is left of it, I change my clothes…as for conscience, I have one. The question is do I clean my conscience and to tell you the truth, I have yet to meet someone who cleans his conscience on a daily basis. So, your question is terribly flawed, my intellectual friends.
To what extent has your childhood and upbringing affected your personality?
Oh a lot! Funny you asked that, because just the other day I was thinking the same thing. In my younger days, I used to play leba ena police, what do you call it there in America, "cops and robbers". Of course, I was always the robber, and after losing a game, I used to refuse to leave the field for otehrs to play. Same thing in soccer. I also - you gonna love this - I used to insist that the referees and the line judges, you know the (aragabi's) join our team and play on our side at the same time they were working the game. Isn't that great? I also used to just take stuff away from people in the neighborhood and give it to someone who looked like me. Oh and did I loooooove to trash people just for the hell of it? I mean I used to talk and talk and talk, without making any sense about people I didn't like to my parents to the point where they just gave up and walked away. Ayyii, lijinet!!!
Rightly or wrongly, some individuals claim that just like Mengistu Haile Mariam, you are intimidated by intellectuals, and that you would like to shine in a world of collective mediocrity. Could you comment?
Well, it's not my fault if the people I pick to surround me are not intellectually curious and don't challenge me intellectually. It's their fault, not mine. As for the shining part, when you have a head like mine the reflection or glare can be blinding. Just look at it!
Why did you dismiss 42 academicians from their university teaching positions?
Actually, the question should be how many I did not dismiss. Don't you think so? In fact, I did them a favor. Now they can get easier jobs teaching high school students.
When medical doctors requested for pay raise, you said to them that they can go where they want. Ethiopia does not need medical doctors. Could you comment?
That's right, can you believe the nerves of those people? Who did they think they were, Agazi's? And that's right, the way I see it, it is a waste of time and resources to have more and more doctors graduate every year. Have you seen how many people are dying everyday?? From easily preventable diseases too! So, what’s the point of graduating doctors, if people keep dying? We just can't keep up!!! So, they can go where they are wanted where people die less and less everyday.
Why is the traffic blocked for hours on end whenever you move from one part of Addis Ababa to the other part?
What are you talking about? All this time I have been Prime Minister, I have not faced such a problem. Every time I am on the road, traffic seems to be flowing pretty smooth and fast actually. So, I don’t know what to tell you.
Your critics point out that sane and rational leaders go out of their way to unite their people. But in your case, because of your intense hatred for anything Ethiopian, you are busy tearing down the very fabric that holds the country together. The Rwanda version of “Interahamwe” is your pipe dream for Ethiopia. Could you comment?
Exactly! That is exactly what I am doing, I am uniting (at least I am trying to unite) my people…the Oromo’s united theirs, the Amara’s united theirs, nothing wrong with all that. It's not actually Ethiopia that I hate, it's her people I am not crazy about. What tearing of the fabric? Oh you are referring to my comment about the flag when we came in? Oh, that was just a joke. And no, I don't smoke pipe, I smoke cigarettes, thank you very much.
In the USA where you have a population of 300 million and who speak 311 languages, Senator Barrack Obama, a black man running for the presidency declares “we are one nation and one people.” Yet, despite the fact that Ethiopia is one of the world’s oldest civilizations, you present it as if it is a political fiction. “If Ethiopia disintegrates,” you say, “so be it. It was not meant to be.“ That is what is called planned prophecy. Could you comment?
311 languages? Wow, that’s a lot of languages. How many do we have? Anyways, I am actually seeing this from a Biblical point of view. Remember what happened in the Bible when all people spoke different languages and could not understand each other, and turned on each other? I am trying to avoid that here.
Why did you struggle for Eritrean independence for seventeen years, only to make Ethiopia land-locked?
Duh! I struggled so I can make Ethiopia landlocked since I didn’t want anyone else to get in! You don’t want outside invaders, do you? And how else did you want me to accomplish that? Is that so complicated? Geeze!
Is there a secret agreement between you and President Isaiyas Afewerki of Eritrea?
That’s top secret. Well, OK he is the only one with a duplicate key to the lock that is used to land-lock the country. I mean I gotta trust someone. What if I get hit by lightning or an Ambessa auto-bus? Remember what the good Book said about our neighbors. Besides, we have already established that people who surround me are not intellectually… gifted shall we say?
In the recent conflict where Ethiopia had a clear advantage over Eritrea, why did you have to stop military operations half way, when you could have gone all the way to Asmara and beyond?
I was hoping you would get my affliction to the Good Book by now, but it doesn’t look like you have. I don’t believe in kicking someone when they are down, besides he left me alone in Addis when we first marched in together in 91. So, I am a man of honor, just paying him back.
If diplomatic history be a guide, when negotiations take place between two countries after a conflict, the victorious side usually dictates the terms of peace. But this was not the case with Ethiopia. You could not even have the decency to see to it that the fallen heroes were buried with honor. Why?
Yes, you’re right. See, that’s why we want a second shot at this so we can bury the next round of fallen heroes properly. But then again, if they are doing what they are doing to our heroes in Somalia, then all bets are off.
Ethiopia’s inspiring history, unique civilization, patriotic nationalism, and continued independence, has serious implications for Western interests in Africa and the Middle East. Given that, why did you formulate an apartheid system of ethnic federation for Ethiopia that is intended to destroy Pan-Ethiopian nationalism? Which foreign powers helped you in its very conception and formulation?
To make us even more unique and stronger. You hear the saying "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?" So, I am imposing all these apartheid like systems to make sure that our history is even more unique. We need to surpass South Africa, so I have to do my job and oppress more people. It's great for our history.
There have always been peasant uprisings in Ethiopia, including in the Amhara provinces. These uprisings took place to resist exploitation, exorbitant taxation, land eviction, tenancy, corruption, and so on. Why were these uprisings called “ethnic”, when they were not?
Well, the Amhara's demonstrated and complained in Amarign, the Oromo's in Oromigna, the Gurage's in Guragigna, the Tigre's well, I understood that… but what would you call it? It sounds ethnic to me.
You claim to be a democrat. Yet, in 1991, you insisted that Ethiopians be organized on “ethnic” basis, and refused to allow the Pan-Ethiopian nationalists and patriots to participate in any discussion concerning their country’s future. Why? Why do you now expect them to obey your constitution and the laws of your regime?
Pan-Ethiopians? What are those, kitchen utensil makers? Hmm. Damn right I am a Democrat! See, democracy is easier to manage when it is organized ethnically. It is for their own good. What I am doing is dividing democracy accordingly and handing it out to them.
Those self-sacrificing Ethiopian patriots who contributed immensely to the struggle against foreign aggression, and who kept the country independent , and those who have been involved in a series of attempted coup d’états against the governments of Haile Selassie and the Dergue, are now branded as “chauvinists” and enemies of the people. Why is this so?
Yes, they are self sacrificing all right. They were too greedy to share the sacrifice with anyone else. Can’t you see how selfish that made them? Maybe that’s why they are dead now. Rather fitting, isn’t it?
You claim to be guided by “the principle of self-determination. “ Why did you then annex by force of arms Raya, Azebo, Alamata and Ofla from Wollo Province, and Humera, Wolkait, and Tsegede from Gondar Province, which have never been part of Tigrai, and evicted the natives and settled some 700,000 Tigrean farmers and soldiers on their land? Why are hundreds of them languishing in dungeons in Tigrai? Why is land which belongs to Ethiopia being constantly transferred to the Sudan? It is estimated that over the last sixteen years, some $3 billion worth of agricultural produce has been marketed from these regions and pocketed by your friends and TPLF business concerns. The people of Gondar Province, for instance, are exploring the possibilities of taking the case to court. They not only want the release of all those whom you still keep in prison, and the return of their land, but also the retroactive payment of some $3 billion as compensation for what they have lost from their farms. Could you comment?
No.
Why did you dismantle the Ethiopian Armed Forces? Why did you destroy the military facilities, tank, and ammunition factories in Ambo in 1991?
Because what good is an Armed Force to a landlocked country? Hellooo!! Think about it. Who is gonna invade us? How will they get in? Look at my answer to # 9.
What did you do to the Ethiopian Navy?
It’s top secret. OK OK I will tell you. I think we had a two for one sale and Eritrea bought them all. That dumb Issayas! Can you believe him? He bought them and he knows we are landlocked and can’t fight him on sea. Duh!
Over the last sixteen years, Ethiopia has received some $24 billion in donor aid and grants. Yet, the country cannot even feed itself, and some 80% of the population in urban areas is unemployed. Where is the money? Can you account for it? Are there any under-table deals which prevent accountability?
Is that how much it has reached, $24 billion? Oh my! How time flies when you are begging so much! Well, to be honest, the country can’t feed itself because the country is busy looking for a job. I don’t understand why you are asking questions to which you have the answers?
You claim that you live poor, and that you have no foreign bank accounts or property what so ever. How true is this?
Oh it’s true, it’s true, it’s true…oh sorry, I got carried away with a line from a movie I recently saw. Yes, it’s true, cross my heart and hope to… Well, I mean it’s true. You know why I say that? Because, whenever foreign leaders visit me, one familiar comment they all make is “that poor Meles”. Then they mutter something about “in over his head” or something. Yes, I do live poor here in this beautiful palace and I tell you, it is hell.
You claim that you went to Somalia to fight against terrorism. Why did you then open Ethiopia’s doors to Wahabists, Islamic fundamentalists, and terrorists?
That’s just physically impossible. How many time do I have to tell you that we are landlocked? Unless of course that Issayas…excuse me for sec.
Azeb dear, can you get Wedi Hawey…I mean, Issayas on the phone ? I have a question for him.
What is the rationale behind the TPLF monopoly of economic and political power, and its ethnic cronyism?
Well, I could give you one, but see we TPLF’s are the leaders, so everyone has to follow us. This means everyone, like you said, is behind us, including ‘rationale’. We are equal opportunity leaders; we do put everyone behind us.
Chereka
