LELA-TENSAE - ETAMoonlight

Enjoy!

QUESTION: Thank you, Madame Secretary, for offering to sit for this interview. It's a pleasure.

SECRETARY RICE: I didn't offer nothin', Kaffir Boy, it's part of my job. Let's get on with it. I have some shoe shopping and workout to do.

QUESTION: You had a fairly busy day.

SECRETARY RICE: Helloooo!! Did you hear me? I said let’s get on with it.

QUESTION: You came this morning and you're leaving tonight.

SECRETARY RICE: Nice piece of reporting there, genius. How many reporters did you put on that story to find that out?

QUESTION: And -- but you're basically running into very big issues in the Horn of Africa and in Somalia . Does it concern you? Do you know –

SECRETARY RICE: Concer shmoncern. Listen, I got this job to fill up a quota, OK? Remember who had this position before me? Yes, another Negro. I was the perfect candidate being, you know, black and a woman too. I guess that’s their way of killing 2 black birds with one stone. And yes, we Neo-Cons have quotas too. So, what makes you think I give a rat's ass about what is going on in Somalia ? Besides, do you know what is going on in Iraq because of us? Where have you been? Believe me, what you have here is a picnic compared to Iraq . So, I wouldn’t bitch about it if I were you.

QUESTION: But we had the issue of peacekeeping force -- it was a very serious issue a year ago and a year since, nothing is happening.

SECRETARY RICE: Uuuh, your point? What did you want to happen in a year? Listen, have you hears the saying “ Rome wasn’t built in day’? Well, Iraq wasn’t’ destroyed in a day either, OK?

QUESTION: Yes, indeed, Ban Ki-moon said this very clearly to deploy international peacekeeping force. What is happening? I mean, the Ethiopians are there and the Prime Minister said he already told him many times --

SECRETARY RICE: Banki who? Is that a new line of designer shoe? Oh, yeah that UN guy Moon? And you believed him? And what’s with the names of these Secretaries at the UN anyway? Who was that last one from your neck of the jungle? Coffee Break or something? I mean do they pick these people based on funny names?

QUESTION: -- we'd rather be replaced by any multinational force.

SECRETARY RICE: Yeah yeah sure, multinational foce. Hey, you remember what happened the last time we had a multinational force, "The coalition of the willing"? Yeah well, now they are known as "The Coalition of the Leaving". So, it ain't gonna happen anytime soon Bubba.

QUESTION: It wasn't happening.

SECRETARY RICE: I just said it wasn’t’ gonna happen soon. Is there an echo in here?

QUESTION: Who are going to be those forces?

SECRETARY RICE: Well, you already have a couple of African dummies who joined in, the Ugandan’s (by the way, is Idi Amin still running that joint?) and the Burundi’s and we will see if we can bully or bribe a couple more in there, but don’t hold your breath.

QUESTION: Are there any green lights out there?

SECRETARY RICE: Green lights? What is this, the Indianapolis 500? Oh you mean a light at the end of the tunnel? Cute, very cute! Well actually yes, but that light is actually a freight train heading your way traveling 100 miles an hour. OK OK 80 miles an hour.

QUESTION: But the new prime minister is for it, just that he wants to –

SECRETARY RICE: Of course he is. He is our puppet, did you forget that? Besides, he has no choice. He does what we tell him to do.

QUESTION: That, you're sure, is not going to include the Islamic Courts, even the liberal element of the --

SECRETARY RICE: Well, you have to make it look like it is legitimate once in a while. Besides, we want to know who these people are so it is easy to find and bomb them later. Come on now, get with it.

QUESTION: Well, so does it mean that -- is there any possibility that the -- some of the elements who have participated in a conference in Asmara, Eritrea , was it two -- two months ago?

SECRETARY RICE: Yes, yes of course.

QUESTION: Is there any --

SECRETARY RICE: That's right, bring'em all in. The more the merrier, I always say. You know how our foreign policy works, get everyone in the area involved and then, wham! When they least expect it, boom. The bombs start flying. We bomb the hell out of them. See how it works?

QUESTION: But it had several elements in (inaudible) Asmara, Eritrea (inaudible) and they have -- they seem to have a very strong voice.

SECRETARY RICE: Oh, stop whining, will you? So what? I just told you what our foreign policy is. What do you want from me? I just work here… I mean there…I mean in the State Dep…you know what I mean.

QUESTION: Is that a concern to the peace processes (inaudible)?

SECRETARY RICE: Concern? Frankly, what is your name, Tefe Tef ..?? I am concerned that you are concerned with so many things. Didn't you start the interview with a concern? What is wrong with you? Are you OK? You are too young for this. Listen, your president was dumb…I mean brave enough to get into Somalia in the first place, so he is going to have to tough it out and stick out.

QUESTION: Interesting. Where do you stand on the issue of Eritrea ? Secretary Frazer several months ago said that you are planning -- that the U.S. Government is planning to put Eritrea on the list of State Sponsors of Terrorism. What are you --

SECRETARY RICE: Oh relax. See, Eritrea is one of those countries we call an insurance policy, or a safety valve. Remember Panama and Granada ? See, we label these countries as evil and when everything else that we do goes south, we bomb these insurance policies to divert attention from the media and the people. So, don't worry about them.

QUESTION: And so do you have a timetable to --

SECRETARY RICE: What timetable? To bomb them? Well, we really don't but like I said …

QUESTION: But was that before your government (inaudible) office?

SECRETARY RICE: Geez, you really hate those people, don't you? Can you be a little more obvious with your enthusiasm about bombing them? Sheesh…Patience my boy, patience. Yes, it will be before we leave, but if we don't get to it for some reason, you know with the busy bombing holiday season and all, we will make sure that either Rudy the Fascist or Hillary "the Neo-Con Light" will put it on the agenda in 2008.

QUESTION: It's very interesting. Let me bring you down here to Ethiopia . Apparently, there is the H.R. 2003 in the pipeline and it's going to -- soon it's going to be on the table in the Senate?

SECRETARY RICE: Oh yes, H.R. 2003. The savior of the Ethiopian people. Listen, between you and I, even the architecht or arch angel...or what the hell is that religious thing y'all have here in this country? Oh yeah, The Arc of the Covenant! Even that is not revered as this resolutoin thing by you people. I mean talk about being giddy over nothing! It is just hilarious watching your so called educated activists in the US jast running up and down the halls of the Capitol to get it passed. It is quite comical actually.

QUESTION: How would that --

SECRETARY RICE: Don't worry my boy, it will not see the light of day. You really think my husba… oops, I did it again... I mean, my boss would let that Bill become law and sign it even if it passes the Senate? Yes, he will veto it and even if he gets overridden, which will never happen, he will make sure that he will put a signing statement which will allow your boss do whatever he pleases. There is too much at risk here. You know, with the money made in all these wars and stuff. There's too much to lose. We're not gonna abandon our friends like Balckwater?

QUESTION: So if this bill passes, some critics of the bill say that – the United States is going to repeat the same mistake, indeed, way back in 1979, (inaudible).

SECRETARY RICE:1979? What the hell happened in 1979? Isn't that when what's his name, my old boss Jimmy Carter was there? Oh yeah, I worked under his administration too, you know? But I was an intern then. Watch it! No intern jokes here, plus Carted is a Christian Baptist freak. He don’t mess around. Anyways, he was a Democrat right? And you know how Democrats feel about foreign policy right? They think, well most of them anyway, think it is best to let countries resolve their own problems. Can you believe it? What a nut! That's why I left him I guess.

QUESTION: Let me take you to the Ogaden. Have you had reports coming from out there?

SECRETARY RICE: What? Are you a tour guide or something? You are taking me all over the place here. I have pumps on, and you know how difficult…never mind. OK what about Ogaden? Oh yes, of course, we have been getting reports from there and it comes down to this. We either let the innocent people die of hunger or bullets. That's what it comes down to. So, the compassionate conservatives that we Neo-Cons are, we worked very hard, had very long tedious meetings and deliberations and came to what we felt was a right but difficult decision which was to let them die quickly with bullets. See, this what my husb.. I mean boss, damn it, means when he says "It's hard work, it's difficult work". And you thought we had it easy, huh?

QUESTION: One last question. Do you think that the ONLF is a terrorist organization?

SECRETARY RICE: ONLF?? What is that, a new X-Mas line for shoes? Is that Italian or something? I’m gonna have to get back to you on that one. You are one sick mean SOB, aren’t you? You want me to label everyone terrorist don’t you? I know, you want them labeled that so we can kick the shit out of them and your boy stays in power, right? I gotcha. Well, like I said, let me get back with you on that.

QUESTION: Madame Secretary, thank you very much for your time today. It was a pleasure.

SECRETARY RICE: Oh right back atch ya, Sparky....now, where's the gym? You people have gyms here?